2009/01/21

Can't think clearly

I feel so out of control. It's the worst feeling ever. I am so afraid of fricking gaining.... I don't know what happened to me. Where all the will power has gone to. I remember the days when I was strong enough to just not eat. But I can't even can get through a one day fast these days.

How can you all do it??

I just can't stay away from food. And even if it's "good" food, like apples and cottage cheese, both have no fat and little calories and apples even take almost the same amount of cals they contain to be digested - it just scares the hell out of me. Nevertheless I can't stop!!!

So wtf am I doing wrong?

What's wrong with me?

I first thought it's because of the inreased training I do to get in shape for the race in May. I mean during the 100 minutes on the Minoura trainer I burn about 850 cals. This almost equals what I eat. My body needs 1200 cals to maintain. So even if I ate 1.000 cals - would that still be a negative balance? I mean, I know the numbers, I can calculate, but it still feels as if I eat too much to lose.

Eat 1.000
Burn of 850
= 250 remain

My body needs 1.200
I eat 1.000
equals - 200
Also minus 850 of training
equals - 950???

So I have a negative balance, haven't I?
Actually yes... BUT I HAVE EATEN 1.000 CALORIES!!
That's way, way, way, way too much! I should only eat 400 cals. Or a max of 500 cals. I mean I can't lose weight by eating 800 cals a day!! How should that work out?

I am totally fucked up. I can't think clearly anymore. I am sooo afraid of not losing weight. It totally driving me crazy!

I wish I could be like you... who just don't eat. I can't. I simply can't make me stop eating.

5 comments:

Jenna said...

How often are you weighing yourself? Maybe try to do it less often, that way you see more of a difference each time you step on the scale?

Be well, Leni.

hey.hana said...

Maybe you need to reset.

Have two or three days where you focus on eating like your mother would want you ((that fantastical mother who wants the best for you)) and keep track of it but don't focus on cals.

Then find small ways to take food out. Then more, then more, until you get into that crazy cycle we're all known for.

If that's too scary ((it was for me)) then here's another strategy: Get a tomato, apple, orange, whatever you can divide into 5-7 pieces. Look at it in the morning and say to yourself, "this is what I'm eating today."

Then that's it. Eat only that. One slice every few hours depending on your schedule. If you put lemon juice on the apple slices, they won't go bad as fast.


I have a whole book of strategies ((ha ha)) so if these don't work//cater to your interest then let me know and I'll share some others! The one I'm on right now? Salads. Lettuce is a godsend!

belle svelte said...

hey you!

i'm glad you didn't apologize, otherwise...hahaha.

i recently lost weight by just following a routine:

don't eat till 2-3...then eat an apple. at 5, eat another apple. and then for dinner...have some soup/bread.

funny thing is, i haven't gained when i got out of (as I increased to 800), just maintaining.

i carried around a picture of my thighs (the one I posted), and live on tea before 3.

that and I am out of the house, away from food...walking around.

and when I do workout, it's always 450-500 cals burned. Anymore and I have this HUGE urge to eat.

OR---

just stick to liquids, cleans the colon/kidney AND you will lose weight. guaranteed. no alcohol or sugary drinks, but vegie stock/lo cal soups...

they fill your tummy, but are v. low in cals. i'm sure you could go 600 cals and be fine!

anyway, good luck...i hope this helps. x

ps: keep writing, it keeps me thinking =)

SkinnyMe said...

what helped me to get out of binge circle is to write down food and how many kcal I'm allowed to eat next day. Then I try to stay under my plan.

Take care of you

Lu said...

Yes you CAN lose weight by only eating 800 calories a day. If you no longer can, then maybe you shouldn't be trying to lose weight anymore.

I hope you get better some day. Good luck in life, sweetie.