2009/01/19

Getting serious

2.000 cal binge. I am dead. Going to the gym in half an hour. Running for at least 45 mins on the treadmill. 270 cals burned by biking. The treadmill should do another 400. Still too little. I am sure I wake up fat tomorrow morning. I am a weak bitch. Felt it coming yesterday already. 1.300 cals burned on Sunday by biking. Very little food: 520 cals, mostly in apples. Craving as hell. Resisted. Today I fell for it. Chocolate. No chance. I hate myself. I am a fat fuck and this will never change. I had a goal to reach today. But I don't even dare to get close to a scale. Why can't I stay strong anymore? Why is all strength gone? What has happened to me? I need to lose all that fricking fat!!! I am not worth to be here. I will stay away from this blog until I finally reached 49 kilos. I will not allow myself to have support or fun or anything good until I got rid off that damn fat! Wish me luck. Please.

5 comments:

Jenna said...

No need to cut yourself off. You are not worthless at all. Be well. Be safe.

nadja said...

sweetie, i know how terrible that feels, but don't be too hard on yourself! after all, a normal person is supposed to eat around 2000 cal every day!

take care, leni.

LoveMeDead said...

LOVE THE BLOG!!!

Anonymous said...

hey love its Kesh from PAM.
please dont feel too hard on yourself. just think, with all the restricting youv been doing maybe this will be a good bost for the metab and all.
i hope your ok.
PM on PAM if you fancy a chat
xxx

Laura, leave it alone said...

Aww please post before that! Either way, I wish you all the luck in the world