Remember?

Remeber the friend who did not reply to my emails and then, after about two weeks finally sent an answer? Her email was kind, she said things like "she always will be my friend, it would be not me who has to say 'sorry' but her because she did not reply quickly, and so on.

Well, I answered her again a day later, which was Jan 11th.

Yesterday evening another friend told me - casually - that she is off on vacation from today (Jan 15th) on.

I feel like I was lied to. I mean if I would go on vacation and wouldn't be able to check and reply my emails for a whole week I'd try to answer at least the important messages before I take off. She probably did, too! But mine wasn't among them.

It feels a bit like "How could I have been so stupid and naive to believe her what she said after she kept me waiting for two f*cking weeks? Now you see how important your friendship is to her!"

Luckily I am no longer depressed about the whole issue, but "pissed to the bone". I told her my inner thoughts, I told her I loved her, I begged her for forgiveness, really got down on my knees, felt extremely guilty, and now she is paying me back! Which, by the way, would be ok if she hadn't lied to me just a couple of days before by saying how important I still am for her.

Obviously - O B V I O U S L Y - I am not!

"Officially" she didn't even tell me she was on vacation, but is leaving me without any note for another f*cking week! Damn, I am sooooo angry! This whole story has definitely come to an end at this point. I will never again disgrace myself again by dropping her another line begging for friendship. This is over. She is not worth it, this is what I know by now.

I am extremely pissed off. Additionally and out of frustration and anger I had 534 cals in form of chocolate today. Consciously.

Went into a shop during my break at work, bought a pocket knife (Victorinox Soldier, Swiss Army Knife), waited till my colleagues left for lunch break, rolled up my sleeves and made two new cuts, one on each arm, right here in the office.