I thought I had reduced my intake and were on a good way to lose weight again. But when I put on my old trousers this morning, which were quite loose about 4 months ago, they were actually quite tight now! Oh my god, did I really gain so much weight during that time? It's horror! How could I've allowed myself to become such a fatass again?!

I really need to get all this fat off of me. I can't live with how I am. I am so ugly.



I stepped on the scale on Saturday. 52 kg. I stepped on the scale yesterday evening. 50 kg. This makes 2 kilos in three days. And I weighed myself even in the evening, not early in the morning.

One tiny success at least.

And really, I feel more in control at the moment. I am getting back to finally having more control about my eating habits again. I stayed strong, didn't give in to my cravings lately although it was veeery difficult. I also skipped dinner twice. Well, dinner is only cottage cheese with vegetables, but anyway. I got back to apples and grapes only and I think this is what made me lose again.

Nevertheless I can't skip dinner forever because all of the sports I do. I need the protein from the cottage cheese! But maybe I can only have it two or three times a week and stick to apples the rest of days.

Grapes, at least when I eat lots of them, aren't good for me, too, as I noticed now. I got an intolerance towards hystamine and probably grapes count in there, too. They give me bad stomach growlings and stuff. So I better reduce them. They were my "sweets", but I probably find something to replace them.

To cut a long story short: I am obviously on a good way reaching my goal. But I shouldn't get to enthusiastic about it. We all know that this can make you lazy. So I'll keep on going my way. And hopefully soon I'll see another few kilos drop.


Getting stronger

Today when I took my office break at lunchtime I was badass hungry. I was afraid of walking in a shop because I thought I'd fall for bread or even sweets or something. So I strolled through the streets but finally got the courage to set a foot in the next supermarket to buy me some grapes, two apples, coke light and a sugarfree enegery drink. I managed to pass the cakes, cookies, chocolate and bread rolls without touching it!

Since I will not be able to run tonight because I meet some friends I will try to eat as little as possible. Maybe I could even get through the day with these two apples and the grapes? Would be great. Maybe I even got the time after work to run a short round on my training route. So that I at least burn some calories by running. I actually hate it when my routine is messed up. I bike every day to work and run every day an hour after work. On the weekends I ride my road bike for at least one and a half hours and run as long and as far as I can.

If I can't do one or the other, something is "missing" and I feel like I instantly gain weight. I need to work off all I eat, even more than I eat. Or I panic.


Back after a long time

It has been a long time since I posted something. Sorry for that. I've been through quite a lot of ups and downs lately and gained a lot of weight since summer. I somehow lost control. Completely. I longed for sweet food so badly, binged a lot, got lazy with the sports and became the most disgusting person ever walked on earth. Since a couple of weeks I am trying to get back in shape with more determination. Nevertheless I still don't manage to stick to three apples only a day. Something that was like "foolproof" some months ago. I don't eat much, though, but still a lot of things. IMHO. I hope to get as powerful as I was in summer soon again. I finally want to reach my 42 kilos. I must become as skinny as possible.