Getting more and more afraid

After the start of the week with 65 calories I ended it up with 440 yesterday. And I am sad and disgustet about it! While others say (and my ratio, too), that everything below 500 is still very, very little, I am in shock! How could I allow myself to eat that much during the week when I'm actually supposed to eat almost nothing because I will stuff myself with food on the weekend!? How I again ruined the whole week and even the 30 minutes jog yesterday evening will not make my failure undone.

See? This is what I am thinking since I got down to 65. This is what finally has become of me again (!) after finishing IP. I am back where I was a year ago. I am back where I belong. I am no longer forbidding me to eat although I learnt to like the taste of food, I am forbidding me to eat because I am afraid of calories.

I feel unbelievably strong and great and powerful and over-the-top! Now it seems as if I've finally passed this effin' invisible border that kept me from losing weight again, from shaping my body after my ideal of beauty. I've done it. Now it can start again...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

drinking water fills you up, but it also makes you more hungry because it causes your body to belive that its full. when you realize that youve got no nourishments in the water, you'll just become more hungry and eventually more fat.