2008/03/20

The devil in me

Concerning a debate at mamaVision (about viewing other people and judging them) I started to think about myself and found out: I am mean, arrogant, superficial, cynic, close-minded, and generally not nice when it comes to people and food. I think bad of people who are fat, of people who eat much (IMHO) or just sweets or fast food, of corpulent people who say "I feel good with my body" because I am sure they don't and just pretend to be ok to avoid facing the problem that they actually have to diet, I find it disgusting to have to see fat people in the tube, the bus, on the streets, in the shopping mall. I've got many prejudices such as fat people lack discipline, control, a strong mind, health, and aesthetic sensation. Of course I also belong to these group of people, to the fat ones, so I am also not nice to myself.

I always try to hold back my thoughts (and words!) when I have to talk to a fat person - or see one. Or see someone eating chocolate, or a burger, or french fries. But it's hardly ever possible to not at least think "yuck!".

Am I a mean person now? Am I personally to blame for my distorted mind? If so - am I also personally to blame for not eating? I doubt that someone would attack me because I refuse food. But lots of people attack me because my point of view. Where's the line between "this is the illness" and "this is you"? Don't both examples come from the same source, which is ANA?

2 comments:

blameful said...

i dunno chick, i don't think i'm with you on this one. i don't think ana excuses us from any responsibility to be a decent person, and that includes trying to change our attitudes towards others if they are predjudicial.

i'm glad you don't act on those feelings about fat people. but a lot of anorexics do NOT have those attitudes. myself, of course, but since i've been obese at times i'm not the best representative. but i've known a lot of anorexics who have never been overweight who have absolutely no problem with fat people.

for myself, i find fat people comforting when i'm in my anorexia. all my negative thoughts whatever my weight is have always been directed just at myself, not anyone else.

Anonymous said...

well, i have to admit that i think often as you do. i am mean in this way, but sometimes i feel a pity for those people letting them go their lives fat and ugly.
but i get really upset, when i read of fat people or see them on the TV where they claim that they tried all to lose weight. and then they sitting there on a sofa with a bag of crips. excuse me? tried all.
it's fucking simple, the only thing you have to do is to eat less.