This is no cryptical number, but my life. Everything circles around these numbers. They specify how much I eat and when I do eat it. 200 cals on Monday, 400 cals on Tuesday, 200 cals on Wednesday, 400 cals on Thursday, 200 cals on Friday, 800 cals on Saturday and Sunday. 800 cals are already a huge challenge and always linked with a big inner struggle, with disgust, horror, and a lot of stress. But I must keep my metabolism high with that, so that it doesn't go into starvation mode and I don't lose anything anymore. And I also do it, because I have a magical weight border I don't want to go below. I am older, wiser and more realistic than I was with 15 or 16: I don't want to have a BMI about 13 anymore. 
Concerning a debate at mamaVision (about viewing other people and judging them) I started to think about myself and found out: I am mean, arrogant, superficial, cynic, close-minded, and generally not nice when it comes to people and food. I think bad of people who are fat, of people who eat much (IMHO) or just sweets or fast food, of corpulent people who say "I feel good with my body" because I am sure they don't and just pretend to be ok to avoid facing the problem that they actually have to diet, I find it disgusting to have to see fat people in the tube, the bus, on the streets, in the shopping mall. I've got many prejudices such as fat people lack discipline, control, a strong mind, health, and aesthetic sensation. Of course I also belong to these group of people, to the fat ones, so I am also not nice to myself. 
Today my boss is celebrating his birthday and inviting everybody for lunch. He ordered a million sandwiches and there will be an hour of partying with all colleagues. A challenge I am scared of and which I don't know how to pass yet. Probably I'll take my lunchbreak before and pretend to have eaten already. So I can avoid the bread, which is, as we all know, evil. But I won't be able to skip the toast. And I really don't want to drink a single drop of sparkling wine which has almost 100 cals per serving! As an alternative there will be orange juice which has about half the cals on the same size than the sparkling wine. But also these 50 cals will make my day's intake become awful. 
"Israblog is a network of blogs created to provide every person with the means to express themselves as long as it abides by the country’s laws. Our motto, ‘life is here’, refers to all aspects of life, even the more hurtful sides can be expressed here. Any person can own a blog through our system, even if their self perception is problematic or if their body fat percentage is lower than the norm.
The second, and more important reason, is that we do not believe that erasing blogs will have a positive effect. On the contrary, it may be damaging. We realize that there exist other blogging platforms which erase this type of content, however we strongly believe that if we act in a similar manner, we will simply pass this ‘burning hot potato’ onwards without actually making positive change.
We agree that these blogs are problematic, but they also represent a true call for help. And it is best that this call will be heard here, in Israblog, a place where there are attentive listeners and arms ready to reach out and help, rather than a lonely, underground or extreme space.
One must remember that it is not possible to help someone with eating disorders by shutting her mouth. It is possible to help by providing an opposing voice, anti-anorectic, anti-bolemic.
This is precisely why we contact the psychologist Liran Rogev, from the Shahaf organization, who created the blog winning over eating disorders. In this blog, Liran describes ways to cope with eating disorders from his experience as a professional in the field. He tries to engage in supportive dialogue with those suffering from this complex issue, and suggests alternative methods of dealing.
In addition, we are looking for other ways to integrate other professionals who could consult, advise and support our bloggers. However the greatest force to support and make a difference is in your hands. The best thing about Israblog, which is always heart-warming, is these connections of concern, support and friendship made here between bloggers.
We ask you to sharpen your critique over western culture which idolizes the skinny, and point out these social messages, hidden or visible, which relate a person’s value, especially women, to their looks and weight. You can enter pro-ana blogs and leave comments. Don’t answer simply by saying “c’mon, what are you doing…” or “don’t you know that bones are NOT sexy?!”. Comments of this type cause detachment and anger. Liran posted a list of things to remember when formulating anti-anorectic responses in pro-ana blogs. Amongst all his recommendations, we want to emphasize the last - “try to make a true connection - do not criticize or be judgmental. Otherwise, the pro-ana blogger will only reach out to other people with eating disorders, something that can certainly feed this disorder and lead to a further deterioration in their health”. In other words - be friends, real friends, so that those suffering from eating disorders will not seek out only other pro-ana friends."
What I find interesting about this statement is that it's IMHO the first good one. Not just because it stands for not closing pro ana sites, but it gives some food for thoughts. For non-pro people. When I read the "how-to-deal-with-Anas" and "how-to-deal-not-with-Anas" I feel reminded of blogs like MamaVision (sorry) which criticize pro-ana forums and websites and shows off user avatars on which it says "bones are beautiful" added with scholarly comments telling the audience that bones are even not beautiful and that people who think so have a weird perception of prettiness.
Concerning the issue that about 90% of all pro-anas are teenagers, especially mothers but also everyone who once was teenager (means everyone), must know that talking this way will only result in an act of defiance. At least I would respond that way. So the advice from Ilana to be more careful when talking (directly or in written form) to annorexics is IMHO very wise, important and probably the only helpful and promising one.
It came to my mind that I am actually very seldomly talk about "real issues". Like if I had nothing important to say except talking about my failure or success concerning my struggle with food. So most of you might think that I am - like "a good Ana" - just thinking about my intake, calories counting and what to better not eat all day long. But I am not. And I am still. Huh?
During lunchtime I went to a supermarket to buy lactose free milk for a colleague and coke zero for me. I spent several minutes in front of the crisps rack, touched several packs, checked their calories and thought about eating them because the day would be ruined anyway because we're celebrating our boss's birthday with open sandwiches. But - oh what a lucky surprise! - I stayed strong and didn't eat them. And when I got back to the office the birthday party was cancelled, too! So this Friday can become a good day! When I once stayed strong I'll can do it later again, too! Go - go - get thinner!
All you need is Magnesium! (Premenstrual) Chocolate craving is a phenomenon that has puzzled a great many women. The reason behind that: Chocolate, which is highest in magnesium of all foods, is often a sign of magnesium deficiency. The answer is of course not to eat more chocolate, but to increase your magnesium by eating more e.g. green vegetables, and by increasing your magnesium supplements. Your chocolate cravings will vanish when you have enough magnesium in your diet. Good luck, ladies!
I knew I shouldn't step on the scale this morning after this horrible, horrible weak weekend. But I did. And instantly I broke down. I gained! I failed! I gained so much that I now do weigh as much as I did when I came right out of the clinic. All the hard work from the last three weeks, all the renunciation - for nothing! I am such a fat cow... My jeans are skin tight again, my tights much too fat, my skin got bad again due to the amount of food I ate and I hardly dared to go out this morning. It was so difficult to "show" myself to the world, knowing that I exploded over the weekend and everything I put on looks like a sausage skin on my fat, flabby body. What should I do now? How can I go on? I'm so on the verge of binging because I think it doesn't matter anyway anymore. I'll never be thin. But I must pull myself together now. I fast today. Water, diet pepsi and if the hunger becomes unbearable, I drink a coffee. I also need the diet pills finally. Something that pushes my metabolism and blocks the carbs and fats. I can't do it on my own anymore, I've not yet made my willpower come back, I cannot yet control me again. I need help! I need it so badly. I am so weak. I can't bear it anymore. This makes me so sick.
