I really need help! I got an email from a friend today. Actually she wanted to cheer me up, but the whole thing went into a completely different direction.
First some background info: My friend is a recovered anorexic of my age. She's 1,72m tall.
She wanted to cheer me up by telling me the following story of which I give you an excerpt now:
"[...] Probably I'll never have a "normal" body image and I am still proud that I am thin. I have no problem with cooking and eating - but I also have no problem with not eating from time to time. My comfortable weight is at 52 kilos. I don't need less, but if it gets more, woe me! Then I feel fat again. It's weird, but I know I'll never ever get rid off that fear again. I just learned to live with it. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's not, but I never want to weigh 45 kilos again.[...]"
WTF? 52 kg (114 lbs) at 1,72 m (5'6 ft)?
50 kg (110 lbs) is what I am forced to weigh in every fricking therapy I made!
And I am 5'2 ft!!
I am really shocked. I mean I know she's thin. I know she's much thinner than I am. But when I read the number today, it hit me like a hammer. If I want to be comparable to her I must weigh 40 kg (88 lbs). And I really must be that thin. I MUST be. There's no way around it and there's no comment or advice that will keep me from this idea. It might be dangerous, because I want to lose as fast as possible. I know that. And I know that I might gain that weight back as fast as I lost it. Please don't tell me that it is not neccessary to lose this much this fast, please don't tell me that it is dangerous, please don't tell me things like that. I know all this. I know the dangers, I know the risks, I know that this weight is low and that it's not healthy and all that sh*t. But I am determined. There's nothing that can erase this idea.
And now I need your help. Please help me.
I am 110 lbs now - how long do you think will it take to get down to 88?
Will restricting and doing sports be enough?
How many cals would you suggest to lose as fast as possible?
Is fasting the ultimate solution?
I should set interim goals - which steps are plausible / doable?
I mean I once was there. I was even below that weight. But it took me sooooo long to get there. It took ages to get down to 70 lbs. I don't want it to take ages to get down to 88 lbs. I know that losing fast is not the best way to lose. But I have no other choice. I can't wait anylonger. I don't know what I do when I stay fat.
Please help me. I am desperate. I don't think I can do it alone.
I can't stand being that fat anymore. This fricking therapy screwed everything up. I can't go on like this. I really need your help. Please...
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5 comments:
Eat throat lozenges, Läkerol for example. It's like two cals per each, and the satisfy hunger just as good as A LOT of food. Once I hadn't eaten anything for like 24 hours and could barley stand 'cause I was too hungry, I ate one, pow! Felt just as when you eat like a "normal" person.
Keep fighting! You'll make it, I'm sure, and you'll look fucking gorgeuos when you're down at 40 kgs!
I'd say fasting. But you don't want to make your metabolism so low that it completely does nothing. Mix up your intake to fool your metabolism. Cardio. Drink lots of water. Stay away from diet drinks.
be safe
Thank you, you both! The lozenges thing sounds like an iiea. Tack så mycket!
It sounds like you have the motivation, which is the most important thing... the next thing, is finding what works for you, which is totally individual, and isn't always consistent lol!
Good luck, you have my support :)
Leni, WTF? I can relate to everything you're saying, about the pencil legs, gap between thighs, sinews, people commenting that you're less... but what the fuck is that about your friend that has made you so hell bent on being what she is? And what the hell is wrong with you people who have commented? She is going to look amazing at 40. Amazing in pyjamas that are not allowed to be worn on the scales in the hospital. Amazing with the nasogastric tube. Amazing in the wheelchair on bed rest. Do you know the process? Have you endured 'refeeding' in intensive care unit? And do you know what it means? It means you're almost DEAD. I am all for helping each other lose weight but fuck, don't help anyone commit suicide please.
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