Sorry guys for leaving you for such a long time. Had a really bad spring. In all these years with Ana I never felt so desperate and lonely and hopeless like earlier this year. It went straight downwards from late March and "ended" with my attempt to end my life. After taking huge amounts of pills and making endless cuts on my arms, legs, belly, I "luckily" woke up in an hospital bed, intravenous drips in my arms, a sore throat, headaches and lots and lots of patches on my skin. 

Until today I do not know if I should be happy with the result, if I should be happy that I am still alive. I still don't know if my story took the better turn by "going on" instead of "ending". Will I ever?

But now that I am here, I have to deal with it - for now. So here we go again, reset, restart all over again. The battle begins, eight kilos have to go. As fast as possible. Now.

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