This is the story of Aimee, 28 years old, suffering from anorexia and bulimia. She weighs only 60 pounds and purges up to 150 times a day after everything she eats. She was in rehab for several times, but never got any positive results from it. Finally, the last therapist called her "untreatable". See the documentary in five parts on youtube.com
I stepped as usual on the scale this morning. And I did not lose a pound.
Today I got off of Kekwick. Not really voluntarily ( I planned it for a bit later), but there was nothing to do about. Actually I just broke down.
I woke up an hour before the alarm clock rang. My heart was pounding, I felt hot and cold at the same time. I rolled from one side of the bed to the other, then suddenly I felt that I had to puke. So I jumped up and just toppled down as soon as I stood on my feet. So I crawled to the toilet and spent about half an hour there, throwing up water and rests of macadamia nuts. Disgusting.
Afterwards I crawled back to bed since I still wasn't able to actually walk or even sit upright without being dizzy sick. I called my boss telling him that "I must have eaten something wrong" and took a day off of work. I stayed in bed for about another hour, then ate about 100 gramms of pickles and a tablespoon of rasperry jam to set my blood sugar straight.
Later I went to the doctor to get my sick certificate. Told her a story about ill colleagues and that I probably got contracted which she believed until she wanted to measure my blood pressure and saw my red bracelet. Stupid me forgot to give her the other arm... So she started asking annoying questions such as "You didn't do that on purpose - puking?" and "You're not falling back into old habits, do you?". Great. Of course I said that everything's fine, I eat regularly, therapy was great anyway, everybody including myself is oh-so-happy now and if I was throwing up on purpose she would be the last person I'd go to to complain about.
Anyway, back to the topic: I was on Kekwick for 2 days and 2 nights and I lost 2,4 kg (that's 5,3 lbs). That's more than I expected and it would have probably taken much longer with a liquid fast (coffee, diet pepsi, broth). Never did a water fast, so I am not sure about how Kekwick results are compared to that. But I think it was the one and only time I did Kekwick. It was really gross to eat all that fat and feel it in your stomach. And getting out of the fast wasn't nice, too. I think I'm just back to restricting...
Good old Madonna, 49 years now, looks more scary than ever. To have no fat on your body is adorable, no need to discuss that. But having no fat but more-than-Schwarzenegger-muscles is scary! Look at her arms! Is this still human or does she morphe like another "God of Pop" (you know who I mean) into some sort of transcendental alienated being? Is she still human or does her body consists of android machine parts nowadays? Is this what the pop music business does to you?
Day one of the Kekwick Fat Fast is over in a couple of minutes. I just have to wait until my face mask is done, then I'm off to bed. I am doing the mask because I am afraid that all the fat I am consuming will make my skin look like a pizza... LOL
The world has changed. I got "old", kids wear Kurt Cobain T's although they weren't born when he died, and Pro-Ana forums ban people who share tips with others or look for fasting buddies. In almost every set of board rules in the "scene" you can smell the do-gooders... and I wonder why that happened. For me it's elementary to talk with others about how to solve this or that problem (which is receive a tip / get to know a trick). It's elementary to look for buddies to motivate one another when you've again hit the rock bottom.
Yesterday I could avoid going to lunch with my colleagues, today it will be way more difficult. Actually today should have been my green tea day because the weekend will be "fat" again, having to eat with my bf all the time.
I am not sure yet how to get out of this. Maybe by simply pretending to have eaten already and then take only a drink.. Or a soup or something... And eat nothing more for the whole day then. Not the best, but at least a solution.
I hardly ever binge as long as I do not consume solid food. So, as often as possible I reduce my intake to liquids, such as diet pepsi, water, coffee, low fat or soy milk and miso soup.
Solid food is the devil. Don't give him a chance to destroy you!
