It's unbelievable, but I had a good day. Almost 2000 cals more burned than consumed. I love 5 h roadbike rides and an hour of running early in the morning at half past six. Two times I was close to buy chocolate today, but in the end I was both times able to withstand.
So week tow is starting tomorrow. Week two of finally being in control again. Slowly the "Ana Feeling" is coming back. I lost the fear of food, I always felt guilty after eating, but I lost the fear. And I lost the feeling for what is too much and what is ok. I got everything back now. And I could embrace the world.
Maybe I'll really make it to 45 before Christmas. Maybe I might even be able to reach 42 by then. 42 - that would be a BMI of 16.8. Much better than my friend (you know, the one who is my idol, who is just perfect) who is at 17.6. 44 kg would make me 17.6. So I must get below that. Goal adjusted to 42. Let's go there, fat bitch. Make yourself happy.
Who's talking?
- Leni
- Austria
- 16 years of Ana with a neverending story of Up's & Down's. Now I am 31 and sure that she will be forever by my side. If this scares me? No, it doesn't. To be honest? I love her.
5 comments:
Wow, great job! : )
nice! i'm so envious of your great day... but very happy for you!
good job, doll.
i remember when i was in recovery.... i lost my fear of food too. now i feel guilty after eating as well.
i am starting to feel my sense of control coming back now too, but its not near as strong as it was this summer. i need to get it back!
it hurts me to see this, my girlfriend was dealing with these kind of thoughts too. by not seeking help you are hurting others arround you. this is a toxic enviroment that helps these girls hurt themselves.
Please seek help before you go the same path as my love....
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